ultimate-guide
How to Plan a Non Religious Funeral: A Gentle Guide
Table of Contents
- How to Plan a Non Religious Funeral: First Steps
- Choosing a Celebrant for a Non Religious Funeral
- Humanist Funeral Script Examples and How to Shape Yours
- How Long Is a Typical Funeral Service?
- Secular Funeral Music Ideas and Readings
- Common Mistakes When Planning a Funeral
- Frequently Asked Questions
Last Updated: October 3, 2026
How to Plan a Non Religious Funeral: First Steps
Planning a non religious funeral means deciding, early, on the two things everything else hangs from: whether the person is buried or cremated, and who will lead the ceremony. Get those two settled and the rest of the planning becomes a series of small, manageable choices rather than one enormous, frightening task.
Mary Hopes Experienced Professional Funeral Celebrant has supported many families at exactly this point, usually within a day or two of a death, often with a kettle on and nobody quite sure what to say. Here is the honest truth: you do not need to have it all worked out today. You need a shape to work towards.
A non religious funeral is a ceremony conducted without religious content, led by a celebrant rather than a member of the clergy, and shaped around the life and wishes of the person who died. That last part matters more than any template.
Deciding on Burial or Cremation
Burial and cremation carry different practical timelines, and that difference should drive your decision more than anything else.
Cremation is the more common choice and usually allows a service within two to three weeks, sometimes sooner. Burial means liaising with a cemetery or churchyard about plot availability, and in some areas that adds weeks rather than days. If family are travelling from abroad, cremation's flexibility is often the deciding factor.
There is no wrong answer here. What matters is what the person wanted, and what the people left behind can realistically manage.
Your Planning Checklist
Work through these in order. Each one unlocks the next.
- Register the death and obtain the death certificate
- Decide between burial and cremation
- Choose a funeral director, or confirm you are arranging it yourselves
- Book the celebrant
- Confirm the venue and date
- Agree the running order of the ceremony
- Choose music, readings and tributes
- Decide on flowers, donations or neither
- Arrange the wake or gathering
- Confirm who is speaking, and for how long
Choosing a Celebrant for a Non Religious Funeral
The right celebrant is the single biggest factor in whether a non religious funeral feels personal or generic. Book that decision early, because good celebrants are often committed weeks ahead.
A celebrant is a trained professional who creates and leads a ceremony reflecting the person who died, without religious content. They will typically meet you, or speak with you at length by phone, gather stories and details, draft the ceremony, and send it to you for approval before the day.
What should you actually ask? Whether they hold a recognised qualification, whether they are insured, and how many ceremonies they have led. Mary Hopes holds the Level 3 Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy (QCF), the highest national qualification for the sector, and brings over 45 years of experience supporting people in difficult circumstances, including time as a Coroner's Officer. Funeral directors and crematorium staff regularly describe her as a safe pair of hands, which is the sort of thing you want said about the person standing at the front on the hardest day of your year.
Ask, too, how they handle the eulogy. A celebrant who wants to hear your stories, not just your facts, will write something that sounds like the person. One who asks for a form and a date will not.
Humanist Funeral Script Examples and How to Shape Yours
There is no single correct script for a secular ceremony, but most follow a recognisable arc: welcome, a reflection on the life, tributes from family or friends, readings or music, a moment of quiet, and a closing farewell.
Here is a structure you can hand to a celebrant as a starting point:
Welcome and introduction, the celebrant greets everyone, acknowledges why you are gathered, and sets a warm, unhurried tone.
The life, a chronological or thematic account of the person: where they started, what they loved, what they were like to live with.
Tributes, family or friends speak, or the celebrant reads words they have written.
Readings and music, a poem, a passage, a song with meaning.
Reflection, a short pause, sometimes with a few words about what the person leaves behind.
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Farewell, the closing words, a final piece of music, and guidance on what happens next.
The best scripts are specific. "She always burned the first batch of toast and blamed the toaster" will land far better than "she was a wonderful cook". Detail is what makes a room laugh and cry in the same minute.
How Long Is a Typical Funeral Service?
A typical funeral service runs between 30 and 45 minutes, though crematorium slots are often booked in 30-minute blocks and the celebrant's speaking portion usually takes 20 to 30 minutes of that.
That timing catches people out. If you have three tributes, a poem and two pieces of music, you are closer to 45 minutes than 30, and you may need a longer slot. Ask the venue what you have booked, then build the running order to fit it rather than the other way round.
A graveside committal is usually shorter, often 10 to 15 minutes, and a memorial service held later can run to an hour or more. There is no rule that the ceremony must be short. There is only the rule that it should not feel rushed.
Secular Funeral Music Ideas and Readings
Music does more emotional work than any other element, and it is the part families most often leave too late. Choose it early, and choose it for the person rather than for the occasion.
There are three natural points for music: as people arrive, at the moment of reflection, and as the ceremony closes. Think about what they actually listened to. A builder who played Queen in the van every morning will be honoured better by "Don't Stop Me Now" than by anything solemn.
Readings work the same way. A favourite poem, a passage from a book they loved, or a few lines they had pinned to the fridge all qualify. If the person had a sense of humour, let the ceremony have one too. Laughter is not disrespect; it is often the most honest tribute in the room.
Common Mistakes When Planning a Funeral
The most common mistakes when planning a funeral are not administrative. They are emotional: trying to please everyone, leaving decisions too late, and treating the ceremony as a performance to be judged rather than a farewell to be felt.
Here are the ones we see most often, and how to sidestep them.
| Mistake | Why it happens | What to do instead |
|---|---|---|
| Too many speakers | Nobody wants to say no | Cap it at three, with time limits |
| Music chosen at the last minute | It feels less urgent than paperwork | Decide it in week one |
| Writing the eulogy alone | Assuming it must be a solo job | Ask the celebrant to draft from your stories |
| Trying to please every relative | Grief makes people insistent | Decide as a small group, then hold the line |
| Forgetting the wake | Focus lands entirely on the ceremony | Book the gathering at the same time as the venue |
One more, and it is the one nobody warns you about: families sometimes book a celebrant without speaking to them properly first. A five-minute phone call is not enough to judge whether someone will capture a person's character. Insist on a proper conversation before you commit.
If you are weighing up whether celebrancy is a path you might take yourself one day, Mary offers an independent consultation for prospective celebrants, with no training course to sell you at the end of it.
For guidance on what a funeral director is legally required to do, and the paperwork involved after a death, GOV.UK's guidance on what to do after someone dies is the clearest starting point. The Cremation Society's information for families is also worth reading if you are still deciding between burial and cremation.
Planning a non religious funeral asks a great deal of you at the worst possible moment, and nobody hands you a manual. What you need is someone who has done this many times before, who will ask the right questions, and who will not flinch when you cry halfway through a sentence. That is the work Mary Hopes does: a Level 3 Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy, over four decades of supporting people through the hardest days of their lives, and a genuine commitment to building a ceremony around the person you have lost rather than a template. Get in touch with Mary Hopes Experienced Professional Funeral Celebrant and let us help you create a farewell that sounds exactly like them.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between a humanist and a non religious funeral?
A non religious funeral is any ceremony without religious content, led by a celebrant, friend or family member. A humanist funeral is a specific type of non religious funeral conducted by an accredited humanist celebrant, usually following a set humanist approach. Both avoid prayers and hymns, but a humanist ceremony follows particular guidelines. If you want flexibility, a trained independent celebrant can create a fully bespoke non religious funeral that reflects your loved one without any fixed template.
Who can lead a non religious funeral service?
Anyone can lead a non religious funeral in the UK, including a family member or friend. Many families choose a professionally trained celebrant, such as one holding the Level 3 Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy, because they bring experience, structure and calm on the day. A celebrant also handles the legal logistics with the funeral director and crematorium. If you feel able to lead the service yourself, that is entirely allowed, and a celebrant can help you prepare the script beforehand.
Can you have a non religious funeral at a crematorium?
Yes. Crematoria across the UK host non religious funerals every day. You can hold a fully secular service with music, readings and tributes and no prayers or religious symbols. Most crematoria allow a set time slot, so it helps to plan the running order in advance. Speak to your chosen venue about timings, music options and whether you can bring personal items such as photographs or a favourite object to display during the ceremony.
How do I personalise a funeral service for someone who was not religious?
Focus on the person's character, hobbies, relationships and the stories that made them who they were. Ask family and friends for memories, favourite phrases, places and music. A celebrant will spend time with you to build a portrait of your loved one, then weave those details into the ceremony. You might include a favourite poem, a shared joke, a piece of music from a memorable moment or a tribute from a close friend.